"through all these years, from the start to the finish, you took my heart and managed to win it"
• O: On the Road with Big Time Rush
kendall and carlos - best of 2013
jesus lord above
btr fetus wow it’s 4 years already?
my feels are feeling
I was trying to get to sleep and its 2am and thats early for me right now. but then I started thinking of every person Ive got with since elliott (‘got with’ means make out in england, just thought I’d make that clear since I said I got off with so many guys to my american friend and she thought I was sleeping around hahah). I didnt care at the time, and I think that not caring is actually a bad thing. I think you need to care for a while so you get that sadness out and done with. then you can move on and really not care
I let everyone take advantage of me. Ive gotten with 9 guys since elliott finished things, out of which 4 were my close/best friends, 1 was a guy I’d been speaking to a bit on holiday, 4 were random guys in clubs I didn’t know, and only one I spoke to at all. how gross is that? and what finished my rebounding was I went on holiday with one of my best friends and one night he tried to pressure me into doing stuff, saying really horrible gross things. you shouldnt try to make anyone do anything they dont want to do, let alone one of your best friends. then on the last night I got so drunk I dont remember anything, except little snippets which make it clear stuff did happen. which made me feel so horrible and sad and used by someone I used to really adore. I cant see him the same way anymore, and I’m not seeing him til june. we’ve hardly spoken since the holiday, pretty sure the friendships over. which is horrible
so yeah, thats the last person I got with, because now the thought of getting with anyone except elliott is awful. whereas before I gained this mentality for a while that I couldnt be happy unless I got with someone. I’m glad I don’t feel that way anymore, but I wish i wasn’t shocked out of it in that horrid way
its been 3 1/2 months since elliott and I finished, and 2 months since I got with someone. and I’m still miserable. uuughghhh
"Baby Face" All cleaned up for the #hdwintertour at Webster Hall tomorrow! #nyc